


Say it in Latin

by TrickyVicky3



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 21:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11494671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickyVicky3/pseuds/TrickyVicky3
Summary: In the days since Toby rescued him they haven't had much time to talk, what with Toby being cleared by MI5 and Adil looking for new work.At the first chance he got he sought Toby out, desperate to reconnect with him. Toby, it seems, had other ideas.





	Say it in Latin

**Author's Note:**

> This was an anonymous prompt: "Loving you was a mistake".
> 
> I loved writing this, I hope you enjoy it :)

"I'm sorry"  
  
The words are desperate, flung out between them with an earnest honesty.  
  
Toby's body wracks with tremors, the air; once warm and comfortable has descended into a sharp chill.  
  
Adil promised himself he wouldn't cry but as Toby backs away from him his throat tightens.  
  
Toby licks his lips, his eyes focussed somewhere above Adil's left ear. He ignores Adil's apology and tries to speak.  
  
"Just because I don't want you dead doesn't mean -"  
  
He cuts off, obviously angry at himself, and his voice breaks as he tries again  
  
"I don't want you dead but that doesn't mean I still want you".  
  
Adil wraps his arms around himself. In the days since Toby rescued him they haven't had much time to talk, what with Toby being cleared by MI5 and Adil looking for new work.  
  
At the first chance he got he sought Toby out, desperate to reconnect with him. Toby, it seems, had other ideas.  
  
"Toby please"  
  
But Toby carries on, withdrawing into himself, muttering under his breath. Adil's not sure if he even heard him speak.  
  
"I can't believe I -" He sucks in a breath, eyes clouded over, hands wringing together, "I loved you and you betrayed me and then you come here acting like we - like we could be something again".  
  
He locks eyes with Adil, unashamed to hide the tears brewing in them. Adil has no doubt the heartbreak in Toby's eyes is reflected back in his.  
  
His heart clenches painfully at the word 'loved', "You've never said you loved me before" he says, voice high and trembling..  
  
Toby scoffs, hands clenching into fists "I have actually" he sneers, "Not that you remember obviously".  
  
Adil racks his brain, desperately trying to remember, "Toby I don't -".  
  
Toby shakes his head, "It doesn't matter anyway" he laughs, the sound harsh and bitter, echos around the room.  
  
"Loving you was a mistake".  
  
Adil bites back a sob, reaching out for Toby, taking one of his clenched fists in both his hands.  
  
"Toby" the sound of his name brings Toby's attention back to Adil, his eyes flicking over his face, Adil doesn't hold back anymore, allowing Toby to see the tears brimming in his eyes.  
  
"You can say that as much as you want" he insists, squeezing Toby's hand, "But it won't stop me from loving you".  
  
Toby flinches, pulling his hand back "You don't love me" he argues.  
  
Adil's hands flounder, missing the warmth of Toby's fist. He smiles sadly, moving closer to Toby, his heart picking up when Toby doesn't step back.  
  
"Of course I do" he says, putting as much honesty as he can into the words, "And I will continue to love you whether you want me to or not".  
  
Toby lets out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair, damp with sweat. "You don't mean that" his voice is dry and unsure, and Adil tries not to get his hopes up, stepping into Toby's space again.  
  
"I do" he states and Toby shakes his head again.  
  
"No you bloody well don't" his voice rises and his eyes shine with tears, "If you loved me you wouldn't have -"  
  
Adil, feeling brave, reaches out and grabs the lapels of Toby's suit jacket, interrupting him. "I did it because I loved you, because I still love you" he practically shouts.  
  
Toby looks down at Adil's hands, clenched around the front of his jacket, his hands twitch in indecision.  
  
A silence grows between them, Toby arguing with himself in his head, Adil's seen it before so he stands and he waits, unwilling to be away from Toby for any amount of time.  
  
"I don't believe you" Toby speaks eventually, eyes still fixed on Adil's hands.  
  
Adil nods, "I know" he says sadly, "but it's the truth" he pulls Toby towards him, breathing in deeply when Toby comes without a fight.  
  
When their chests are practically touching, Adil stops, reaching down with one hand to clasp Toby's in his, rubbing his thumb over the back of his knuckles.  
  
"And even if you never want to see me again, if you refuse to hire me back at the Halcyon or... or if we don't speak anymore, I will still love you".  
  
He scoffs at himself, and continues talking in a self-deprecating tone, "I've loved you for the past four years, what's fifty more?".  
  
Toby blinks in surprise, "What do you mean the past four years?".  
  
Adil blushes, cursing himself in his head, "I didn't mean that, ignore me".  
  
But Toby shakes his head, catching Adil's elbows with his hands when he tries to pull away, "What did you mean by that? Tell me now".  
  
Adil swallows nervously, stuggling softly in Toby's grip before realising his attempts are fruitless.  
  
"I started working here five years ago" he starts but Toby frowns, interrupting him, "I know that, that doesn't explain what you -".  
  
At Adil's look he stops mid sentence, "I'm sorry" he murmers, "Please continue".  
  
Adil smiles at Toby's impatience, "You were still at school, before University and you would come to the bar and complain about your school friends".  
  
He grins at the memory, "On weekends you would sit in the bar and tell me things about what you got up to".  
  
He laughs to himself, "Do you remember that first summer? You tried to teach me Latin, it was the worst language i've ever read".  
  
He picks at a piece of lint on Toby's shoulder, "But I still listened because the words sounded so good when you said them".  
  
He breaths out shakily, "Then you started University and suddenly you were only back for christmas and summer and I missed you; it took me far too long to realise why".  
  
Looking up into Toby's eyes, Adil smiles sadly, "You came back that first christmas and you didn't talk to me. I thought perhaps you'd worked it out or - or you'd become more like your father or -".  
  
Toby frowns, "I would never-".  
  
Adil raises an eyebrow and Toby nods, quietening down.  
  
"I thought i'd done something wrong" he explains, "Then you came up to me the day before you left again and you apologised" his eyes light up at the memory.  
  
"You were an Upper and you'd bloody apologised to me - your teenage Indian barman" he chuckles to himself but Toby taps him on the arm gently.  
  
"Upper?" he questions.  
  
Adil just grins, "You were a Hamilton, the second son of one of the richest families in London and - ha - at eighteen years old you were apologising to me for not 'hanging out more' I think you put it".  
  
He attempts a British accent to mock Toby but it just makes him laugh, "I remember that, my father had been angry with me because I was giving the impression I was an alcoholic, spending all my time at the bar".  
  
Toby's smile turns bitter, "That was the year I realised I didn't care what impression I was giving him, I didn't exist to answer his every need".  
  
Adil smooths his hands down Toby's chest, "That summer you came back after seven months and - and when you walked through the door it was like everything clicked into place, you know?".  
  
"Up until then you'd been my height, those couple of inches came out of nowhere and, well -"  
  
He looks up at Toby.  
  
"I didn't want to, of course I didn't want to. Do you know how many workers fall in love with their higher-ups? It's documented all over the place, and for a male server to fall in love with - with the son of 'the Mr Hamilton'? It's like I was asking for trouble".  
  
He emphasises 'the Mr Hamilton', fingers pressing against Toby's chest. "I've loved you ever since, even if I don't remember any of the latin" he admits.  
  
Toby laughs, the movement making his chest heave under Adil's touch, "That's okay, I barely remember it either, I was always better at French".  
  
Adil blinks at him lazily, unimpressed, and Toby smiles, his eyes crinkling with the movement.  
  
"I told you I loved you when I was trying to wake you up, that night that you - that you".  
  
Toby speaks quietly, the words echoing between them. He swallows before continuing. "I'd never said it before to anyone who wasn't Freddie or my mother".  
  
He brushes his hands up Adil's arms, "That was the first time I'd said it out loud but it wasn't - I think i'd loved you for longer".  
  
He blinks warily down at Adil, "I realised I was in love with you the day I thought you'd died" his voice breaks and Adil's hands move down his chest to take ahold of his hips.  
  
"That shelter had been destroyed and every second you weren't with me I was - God Adil I was terrified I thought you were -".  
  
He breathes shakily, "And then the other night when I read that letter I couldn't... I couldn't lose you, I needed you, I - I need you".  
  
He finally brings his hands up to cup Adil's face, stroking his thumbs over his cheekbones. "I need you" he says firmly, "I don't know what I'd do without you".  
  
Adil sighs "You don't have to say this just because I -".  
  
Toby shakes his head, interruping Adil's train of thought. "I meant everything I said, you could never be a - a mistake or... someone that I don't care about. I can't imagine a time when I won't love you Adil".  
  
Adil blinks back tears, but at Toby's earnest-ness he attempts a smile, "Say that again?" he pleads.  
  
Toby nods, hands pulling Adil's face towards his, "I love you" he murmers against Adil's lips, humming softly when Adil closes the gap to kiss him, hands pulling their hips to meet.  
  
"I love you" he says again when their lips part, mouthing along his jawline.  
  
"I know" Adil whispers back, eyes shining with joy, "I love you too".  
  
Toby smiles widely, diving back in for another kiss. Adil pulls back breathlessly, "We're going to talk about this right?".  
  
Toby kisses his cheek, "We can try it in latin if you want" he says cheekily. Adil laughs, thumping his hand against Toby's stomach, pushing him away jokingly.  
  
"Shut up" he snorts.  
  
Toby captures his mouth again, fingers threading through the hair on the back of Adil's head  
  
"Make me" he challenges.  
  
"Gladly".  


**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is beautiful and so are you <3


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